Modern dating is more complex than ever, so it’s probably not surprising that there’s a wealth of new vocabulary out there regarding all the different situations you might run into. That said, you might have heard the term “fleabagging” tossed around a time or two over the past several years.
But what is fleabagging, and how can you know whether it’s something you’re doing? And most importantly, how can an aspiring sugar baby stop doing it and start enjoying the love life she knows she deserves? Here’s a closer look at everything you need to know.
What Is Fleabagging?
The term “fleabagging” comes from the name of the BBC television series Fleabag. The ongoing plotline follows a character called Fleabag as she experiences the ups and downs of dating. Unfortunately, Fleabag has a knack for choosing partners who are epically wrong for her, and she experiences repeated and consistent heartbreak as a result.
To be a fleabagger means to make similar choices yourself in your own dating life. However, it’s important to note that fleabagging differs from simply dating people who aren’t quite right for you. To be a fleabagger, you have to consistently choose people who are glaringly, utterly wrong for you instead.
Are You a Fleabagger?
Still not sure whether you’re a fleabagging sugar baby or not? Here are some signs that you definitely might be.
You keep falling for the same type
Long-time fleabaggers have a pattern when it comes to the partners they pick, and it’s been going on long enough for them to be aware of it. It’s the same type of would-be sugar daddy again and again – a type they know is wrong for them but that they continue to choose regardless.
So, are you the type of sugar baby who keeps winding up with Splenda daddies or salt daddies because you habitually ignore red flags? Do you catch yourself rationalizing as to why each of these guys is actually different, even though you know the truth deep down? You might be caught in a fleabagging cycle.
You wrote the book on making bad decisions
For some sugar babies, fleabagging is less about the men they choose and more about the decisions they make. That said, maybe you have a habit of jumping headfirst into arrangements without thinking it through first or giving away your personal power to your sugar daddies instead of holding onto your independence.
Or perhaps you’re the type that’s constantly jumping from one relationship to another without logic or who hooks up with daddies you’re not attracted to just to be in a relationship. Whatever the case may be, that’s definitely fleabagging behavior.
How Do You Stop Fleabagging?
Becoming aware that you’re a fleabagger is the first step toward making changes that will lead to better, healthier, more satisfying connections. Here are some more tips to keep in mind.
Get comfortable saying no
Every sugar baby should know that “no” is a complete sentence all by itself. You don’t need a “good” reason not to go out with someone with whom you feel no chemistry – even if you’ve already been out with them a couple of times.
Get to know yourself better
Self-awareness and self-knowledge are key if you’re serious about dating sugar daddies from Sugar Daddy For Me who are good for you and leaving fleabagging behind for good. So spend some time getting to know yourself better, learning what you really want in a relationship, and developing a healthy sense of self-respect.
Set boundaries and have dealbreakers
Fleabagging and a lack of personal boundaries often go hand in hand, so it’s essential to make sure you know where to draw the line. Everyone has relationship dealbreakers, or at least they should. So identify yours, and stick to them moving forward. No exceptions. It’s important to know if you are being taken for granted in your relationship.
Decide what you want out of life
Success in love is only partly about understanding what you want in a partner or a relationship. The rest is all about knowing what you want out of life, in general, and holding out for partners who share those values. Serial fleabaggers tend to focus on trying to change partners into what they want instead, and that never works.
Deliberately act against pattern
Most fleabaggers are aware of what they do in relationships to sabotage themselves. The problem is that they just can’t stop doing it, but actively acting against known patterns can help. For example, if you tend to jump straight into new relationships after breakups, deliberately stay single next time and focus your energy on yourself for a change.
Ultimately, putting an end to fleabagging is really about putting an end to driving factors like low self-esteem, a fear of being alone, and a tendency to chase love out of desperation instead of letting it happen naturally when the right person comes along. So start with those, and take things from there.